So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
