I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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