There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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