I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
