I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
