Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
