I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
