We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
