hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
