I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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