do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
