Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
