It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
