just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
