I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm like, not good at living.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
