Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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