Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
