the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
