I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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