YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
