Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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