Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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