I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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