She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
