I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
