i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
