what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
