That's intense
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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