apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
