i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
