You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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