thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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