Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
