giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
