why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
