remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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