Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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