at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
