why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
