the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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