so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
