i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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