Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
