My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Terrible idea I love it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
