I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
