is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Found the puke drawer
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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