it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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