A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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