Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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