Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
