I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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