After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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