I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
