She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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