I just cut my nipple shaving
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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