this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
