someone get that fucking seahorse.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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