oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
