I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
