Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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