maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I AM VODKA MAN
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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