this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
