I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
