dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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