i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
