Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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