he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
