I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
