apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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