covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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