I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
