11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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