I just pynch a tree in the face
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
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