i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
