u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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