escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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