The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
